Can I get some Privacy... PLEASE?

As I was preparing for the birth of my first son, I can’t even count how many hours I spent being naked at my OBGYN’s office. Next were the hours of actual labour which seemed like every nurse checked how dilated I was.  Oh sure, they tell you that you’ll lose all sense of shame in the birthing room. But I still wasn’t ready to give up all measure of decency. Unfortunately my kids have no modesty whatsoever.

Every day I make a mad dash into the bathroom hoping that a kid doesn’t see. If I casually walk in, my 3 year old will follow and want me to read or play. As if I wasn’t a multi tasking mom already. Then I get a play by play action. “Is mommy going pee-pee?” “Want some toilet paper?” “Poop in the toilet!” AARRRGH, Mommy is going insane. My girlfriend told me that she only got a break when she went to the toilet, so she took her book, smokes and a drink. My 3 year old will bang on the door if he realises that I’m in there without him. Wait till I bring this up at his 18^th birthday! Even if tell him that I’ll only be a minute, the hysterics that follow are enough to quell my instincts to 1-2 minutes.

My hubby or I cannot take a shower during waking hours because one of our kids will whine until we let them shower with us. Why not lock the door, you may ask? Oh why didn’t we think of that? Oh yes I remember, we used to, until someone discovered that this is a moment to make an escape out the front door. I don’t think that I would like to answer the door in a towel being flashed by blue and red lights…AGAIN.

For those who know me, I am not the most bosomed gal but I do like to wear the odd shirt that shows a little cleavage. My 1 year old thinks that is the best place to put things that he randomly finds. Hopefully he will outgrow this behaviour. I think future girlfriends will not find this funny or practical. I’m giggling to myself as I’m thinking that he’ll probably say, “Can you hold these keys in your bra?” Bahahaha! Okay clearly I need a drink right about now.